Artly There News

Artly There News : You won't read it or hear about it anywhere else.

There's a good reason for that. Our news is old.

February Late Night Version, First Update in 3 years. I'm suing somebody. Four score and seven years ago...I got laid. Wait, wrong speech.

I'm an idiot, or why'd I date that one.

Just wondering. Evil wench has guaranteed my extinction. Wait, that's not news, that's a living hell. Pooey.

Chris Rock is one of those comedians that I just don't get the success of. He's lame. Always has been. Was not really funny, even when on The Tonight Show years ago, or Saturday Night Live. He's got more money than me though. So here's to mediocrity working for you. I should be even wealthier soon, if that's the measure. :)

It never snows here. I don't snow why. I just snow that it would be nicer if it did. Snow what I mean?

Sam Whackinheimer was working at a local Wal-Mart (they's all local ain' they). He was tired, because it had only been 7 days since his open heart surgery. Yet he still had to get back to work. Because as they said, just before he died that night, "We're a company with a heart. Here's his, we got it off Aisle 9."

Nobody ever calls us here at Artly There. Wondering why, we decided to make some calls and find out.
"Yo, This is Artly There, calling to find out why you haven't called us. Ever."
"Who the F#&$%#k are you, A-hole?!"
"Yo, This is Artly There, calling to find out why you haven't called us. Ever."
"Well, A-Hole, maybe it's because we don't want to call you. EVER."
"Sir, can you repeat that last part please."
"EVER , I said. You butt wanger."
"AHA! We gotcha now. You said that you would never call us, Ever. And you just did call us, EVER. HA!"
"No, I just said EVER, I never called you ever, and I'm never calling you ever again."
"Sorry sir, the static is bad...what was that last part again?"
"EVER AGAIN, I said. You butter wanker."
"AHA! We gotcha AGAIN. You said that you would never call us, Ever. And then you said you'd never call us EVER AGAIN. Yet you did! We won."
"Get the F$#@%@ off my phone, you wankee."
"Ha, gotcha again, because we know that you are in New York, and thus, a New York Wankee. Ha. We win again."
"...whatever..."
"AHA! We gotcha AGAIN. You said that you would never call us, Ever. And now you just said what EVER. That will be $43.93"
"Ok, you win. I'll pay you anything, just never ever call me again. Ever. Whatever. Again. Here's my VISA number. Now go away."

You see, when one is stupid, being persistent can pay off big.

Steve Shiumpley was injured recently while hang gliding. Seems he forget to strap it on, and the mountain rose up and hit him. That's not really funny, until you realize this one thing, which is this: (Call Waiting, be back in a minute, hold for the answer please...don't hang up.)

Transmogrified February 28, The Night of Char, 2005